Why People Ignore Advice and What You Can Do About It - The Power of Ask, Don't Tell
One of my favorite moMents in Alexandre Dumas's Three Musketeers is when Athos essentially responds to D'ArTAGnan's request for advice with, "I make it a policy to never give advice unless someone asks for it at least three times. Even then, I have found that they seldom truly want it, or heed it." Such good advice to those who love to give advice...
Why People Ignore Advice and What You Can Do About It - The Power of Ask, Don't Tell
Why People Ignore Advice and What You Can Do About It - The Power of Ask, Don't Tell
Why People Ignore Advice and What You Can Do About It - The Power of Ask, Don't Tell
Why People Ignore Advice and What You Can Do About It - The Power of Ask, Don't Tell
Here is what A River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating Life advises about offering advice:
"Stop telling people what they already know. People always tell smokers why they should stop smoking. People always tell dieters why they should eat healthier. People always tell lawbreakers why they should stop breaking the law. Well, dieters, smokers and lawbreakers usually know the consequences of doing what they do, so do you really think that telling them what they already know will make any difference? Before you start telling people what you know, you should try asking them what they know. You'd be amazed at how often the people you'd like to advise actually know more about their situations than you do."
If you want people to listen your wisdom, you should learn to "always ask and seldom tell."
In other words, don't tell smokers that they need to quit smoking. Ask them why they smoke. Ask them if they have tried to stop smoking. Ask them why stopping is so hard. Ask them if they want to try stopping again. Once you've proven that you understand their addiction, they might ask for your advice. But you should only give them your advice if you can honestly give them a better option than the many they have tried before.
In other words, don't tell dieters that they need to eat healthier. Ask them why they eat what they do. Ask them if they have tried eating healthier. Ask them why eating healthier is so hard. Ask them if they want to try eating healthier again. Once you've proven that you understand their struggles, they might ask for your advice. But you should not give them advice unless you can give them a better option than the hundreds they have already tried.
In other words, don't tell the masses that they need to stop committing crimes. Ask individuals why they commit crimes. Ask them if they have tried to live honestly. Ask them why they find living honestly so hard. Ask them if they want to try making a living honestly. Once you've proven that you understand their perspective, they might ask for your advice. However, you should only give them your advice if you are willing to help them to find a better living than the one they already have.
Offering advice, when advice has not been specifically asked for, creates frustration and animosity between people. The dreaded phrase, "Well, if I were you, I would..." will more likely cause eyes to roll than hearts to open. However, once you learn to ask questions that promote understanding, you'll find that people tend to open up to you words...
Why People Ignore Advice and What You Can Do About It - The Power of Ask, Don't Tell